When we hear “postnatal depression,” we often picture a new mum grappling with sleepless nights, hormonal shifts, and the endless demands of a newborn. But what about dads? It might not make the headlines, but fathers can also experience postnatal depression, and it’s high time we addressed the elephant in the nursery.

The Silent Struggle

Postnatal depression affects around 1 in 10 new fathers. Yet, because it’s often overshadowed by the whirlwind of a new baby, it can be hard to recognise. Add to that the societal expectation for men to “man up” and power through, and you’ve got a perfect storm for silent suffering.

Becoming a dad isn’t just about adding a title to your CV. It’s a seismic shift in identity, relationships, and priorities. Between the sleep deprivation, the pressure to provide, and the massive changes to daily life, it’s no wonder many fathers feel overwhelmed.

Symptoms of Postnatal Depression in Men

The signs aren’t always as clear-cut as they are for mums, but here’s what to watch out for:

• Mood swings: Feeling irritable, hopeless, or unusually low.
• Anxiety: Worrying excessively about your parenting abilities or financial stability.
• Loss of focus: Struggling to concentrate due to exhaustion or stress.
• Feelings of worthlessness: Doubting your ability to support or connect with your family.
• Difficulty bonding: Feeling disconnected from your baby, which can amplify guilt.
• Withdrawing: Avoiding social interactions, including with your partner or friends.

The Relationship Rollercoaster

One of the biggest challenges new dads face is the sudden shift in their relationship with their partner. What used to be a two-person dynamic now includes a tiny, demanding third wheel.

• The Loss of Intimacy: It’s not just about sex—though that’s a big part of it. Sharing your partner’s attention with a newborn can leave you feeling pushed aside or even jealous. And let’s be honest, sleepless nights and endless feeding schedules aren’t exactly aphrodisiacs.
• Emotional Disconnect: With so much focus on the baby, you might feel like your emotional needs are being overlooked. Conversations that once revolved around your dreams and plans now revolve around nappy brands and feeding routines.
• The Weight of Societal Expectations: Suddenly, you’re expected to be the rock—financially stable, emotionally solid, and unwaveringly supportive. It’s a lot to shoulder, especially when you’re struggling yourself.

The Trauma of Birth

Something that slips our minds is the potential trauma of witnessing childbirth.

For some fathers, being present at the birth is a magical experience. But for others, it can be deeply unsettling. Watching your partner in pain, fearing for their safety, or witnessing complications during delivery can leave lasting emotional scars.

If something went wrong during the birth—whether it was an emergency C-section, a long labour, or complications for the baby—it can amplify feelings of helplessness, guilt, or even post-traumatic stress.

Loneliness and Isolation

It’s not just your relationship with your partner that changes—your social circle can take a hit too.

• Feeling Excluded: Friends without kids might stop inviting you to nights out or weekends away, assuming you’re too busy or uninterested.
• A Shift in Priorities: You might find that your hobbies, friendships, and even your sense of identity take a back seat to the demands of fatherhood.
• The Strain of Responsibility: While you’re trying to juggle work, family, and your own mental health, your social life can feel like a distant memory.

This isolation can leave you feeling like you’re going through it all alone.

Breaking the Silence

Addressing postnatal depression in men starts with acknowledging it exists. Partners, friends, and family can play a crucial role in recognising the signs and offering support. But we also need to tackle the societal stigma that prevents men from speaking up.

Here’s how we can help dads navigate this challenging time:

• Create a Safe Space: Encourage open and honest conversations without judgement.
• Normalise Vulnerability: Remind men that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
• Educate and Advocate: Raise awareness about postnatal depression in men to reduce stigma and improve access to resources.

Strategies for Managing Postnatal Depression

The good news? Postnatal depression can be managed and treated. Here’s how:

• Talk About It: Whether it’s with your partner, a friend, or a therapist, sharing your feelings can ease the burden.
• Seek Professional Help: Therapy, counselling, or even medication can be life-changing. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a healthcare provider.
• Prioritise Self-Care: Even small acts like exercising, eating well, or taking a break can improve your mental health.
• Strengthen Your Relationship: Carve out time to reconnect with your partner—whether it’s a quiet dinner at home or simply talking about how you’re feeling.
• Find Support Groups: Connecting with other dads who’ve been through it can help you feel less alone.

Let’s Change the Conversation

Parenthood is no walk in the park. It’s a rollercoaster of joy, fear, exhaustion, and love—and it’s okay to admit that it’s hard.

If you’re a dad struggling with postnatal depression, know this: you’re not alone, and there’s no shame in asking for help. And if you’re a partner, friend, or family member, take a moment to check in on the dads in your life. Sometimes, all it takes is a simple, “How are you really doing?” to make a difference.

Have you or someone you know experienced postnatal depression as a father? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments below. Together, we can break the silence and create a world where all parents feel supported.